Motionless I lie, lest I cause a disturbance.
Perfectly still, my existence flirts with an abyss,
My perception with one lone silhouette of an oak
And the inexorable ticking of an unruly clock.
The weightless darkness is suffocating, exhilarating.
That one ray senses my presence, or that of another;
It senses life, it senses breath, a pulse, a will to survive.
It senses pupils dilating, focusing on shadows of its own making.
Perhaps it even senses a presence amongst the shadows
Or emerging from my imagination, I never can tell.
And with the slightest flicker a being is born.
There he stands, perpetually ephemeral.
Such terror, such ecstasy,
As the darkness encloses him and me.
My only critique is that I think you could use some word economy- if you could say the same thing in less words, it would have more power. That being said, this piece was really good, especially the first and last stanzas
ReplyDeleteI think that you actually had a good amount of words. I had to reread because I didn't know who "him" was at the end... the emphemeral being, presumably.
ReplyDeleteI did get a good mental model though, and applied it to my own memories successfully.