Pain. I see struggles beyond my reckoning.
I see a broken silhouette on the verge
Of despair. I see an opaque spirit praying
That light would be tangible, that the
Atmosphere would be more of a burden,
That reality could be a little more real.
I see a form begging for a soul,
A soul begging for redemption.
I look at you, and I hear
Helplessness in a cracking voice
As the edge gives way to the air,
As a stumble reaches the point of no return.
I see a free-fall with no destination, I see
Rage release, frustrations fizzle, sadness dissipate.
I see freedom from death, freedom from life.
I see the future, I see the past, the present;
I see you, I see me, her, him; I see
Miracles, with miraculous explanations;
I see expectations match reality.
I look at you, and I see
More beauty than I have ever seen before.
I really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteSome constructive criticism: The first stanza sounds a bit too prosey for the rest of the piece. Not that there is necessarily anything bad about that, but I think shortening in a few places could improve the early flow.
Second, I like the end, but I feel like you could have made the twist more powerful some how.
That being said, I enjoyed the piece and think it is quite good.
I feel like this is about having a baby.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't... But I can see that, actually.
ReplyDelete