If you aim your force directly
at the perfect
point,
there is a chance you may break something.
If it’s something that you won’t do now
or something that you’ll wait to,
There’s little chance you’ll take a stand
say to their face, “I hate you.
Or rather, what you stand for,
it’s not confidence or power-
Do you take perverted pleasure
watching lesser mortals cower?”
If I know I know more deeply
what you’re trying to describe,
Why should I not give a shudder
at your petty diatribe?
Now it’s winter, there’s no energy
for me to keep on trying.
“What’s the point? Fuck off,
accept this fact:
We’ll all just end up dying.”
i actually really liked this one, a lot. I love the structure - you introduce the theme with a statement, then incorporate two speakers: what is, and what should(could?) be. The end is absolutely perfect as well. great stuff!
ReplyDeleteIt was a good piece. I personally did not thing the opening was very strong, but the ending was very good. I also liked the speakers- not something one always sees.
ReplyDeleteI liked some of it, but the "if" statements kind of got to me. Like, maybe its the computer science, but I mean, I was kind of thinking "if ____ is true then _____"
ReplyDeletebut the poem obviously don't fall into those categories.